Name: Rebecca Marquardt
Hometown: Fischer, TX

1.) Last wedding you went to? my dad’s
2.) What was the first wedding you were in?  What role did you have? Meesh Salassi, I was a bridesmaid
3.) Chicken, fish, or pasta? Fish
4.) Chicken Dance or Electric Slide? chicken dance
5.) Favorite song to request at the reception? probably something completely inappropriate. I DJed my dad’s wedding; no inappropriate songs, in fact, everyone at the ceremony was asked to sing along to Jesus Loves Me so we could film it and send it to my grandmother.
6.) Pro or Anti cake smashing in the face? as long as you get to eat the cake too, either way
7.) Have you ever caught the bouquet/garter? no
8.) Which celebrity did you want to marry at 15?  Leonardo DiCaprio’s little brother (because at 15 he was too old for me, and no, I don’t actually know if he has a brother). Now? None I can think of… sad.

9.) Favorite first dance song of all time? the one in our show.
10.) Favorite thing about being in “Better Off Wed.” Good, funny people.

Editor’s Note: we advised Rebecca that Leonardo DiCaprio would never be “too old”, for he is timeless.

Name: Adam Claus
Hometown: Columbus Nebraska
Who are you in the show?  Actor.

1.) Last wedding you went to? My girlfriend’s cousin got married a couple of weeks ago downtown in Kansas City. What a weekend it was. I’m going to leave it at that.
 
2.) What was the first wedding you were in? My Cousin Penny’s wedding when I was seven. What role did you have? Sweaty Handed Ring Bearer. I tied the rings to the pillow too tight and the ceremony stalled until the Pastor slipped the Best Man a knife to cut them off. The word got out about it and I haven’t been asked to be a Ring Bearer since. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THEY DIDN’T FALL OFF! Geez.

3.) Chicken, fish, or pasta? I’ll take the chicken and be dissapointed with it everytime.

4.) Chicken Dance or Electric Slide? Which way to the open bar? Kidding. I’ve perfected my own dance called “Is That Guy OK? No Really Susan I Think He’s Convulsing…” You can do it to any song.

5.) Favorite song to request at the reception?  Livin’ on a Prayer but if you don’t have that then You Give Love A Bad Name. Bon Jovi was made to move to.

6.) Pro or Anti cake smashing in the face? Let’s not waste perfectly good cake.

7.) Have you ever caught the bouquet/garter? Yes. It was terrifying and I wanted a recount.

8.) Which celebrity did you want to marry at 15?  Lindsay Lohan (hindsight is always 20/20) Now? Giada De Laurentiis.

9.) At what age did you start acting and what was your first role? 13. British Rock Star in a Church Musical. (I’m pretty amazing at accents and singing but don’t take my word for it, come see for yourself.)

10.) What is your dream role? Anything with Fred Willard and Christopher Guest. Anything. Call me Fred.

11.) Favorite thing about being in “Better Off Wed.”  Spending time with intensely funny people and bringing solid comedy to the masses.

As we have all heard or read by now… Kim Kardashian is engaged, but that is not the real news. The real news is that her engagement ring was 20.5 carats and is reportedly worth TWO MILLION DOLLLARS.

First of all… why on Earth would you need want an engagement ring that is roughly the size of a baby fist? Why oh why on Earth would you want to carry around a rock the size of a golf ball on your hand all day? Answer me this, why would you want to weigh down your slender lady fingers with something that weighs about the same as a heart full of regret?

Secondly, $2 million? I know that may seem like a reasonable amount of money to a 26 (26!!) year old pro basketball player,  but that’s a lot of money to us plebeians… especially to a girl who did 90% of her grocery shopping at the dollar store last year during a brief stint with unemployment.

We’re sure Kim Kardashian feels a little guilty (see also: not guilty at all) about wearing a piece of rock on her hand that if cashed in and donated towards a charity could change LIVES, so we have a few suggestions for her on how to get the full worth out of that dwarf planet sized monstrosity resting atop her left hand:

- become a human lightouse, stand on a cliff, hold it up and have Kris Humphries point a flashlight at it.
- use it to start fires on camping trips
- sell it and use the money to donate towards a charity
- stand outside of banks and wait for robbers to come, then flash the light in their eyes so they can’t get away

- sell it and buy 2 of everything on www.whatonemillionbuys.com
- decode secrets with it
- sell it and use the money to donate towards a charity
- find her wonder twin, activate and turn to dust… away with you, Kim Kardashian… away with you…

- throw it into the depths of Mount Mordor (from whence it came)
- sell it and use the money to donate towards a charity
- help the Lost Boys in “Hook” defend themselves with the power of bending light and blinding drunk pirates
- use it to summon Captain Planet

- stare at it all day until she becomes slowly insane and has to be committed to a mental asylum
- keep wearing it and give other young ladies a false sense of what is an acceptable size and price to expect for an engagement ring
- burn ants on the sidewalk with it
- sell it and use the money to donate towards a charity
- give the ring to a vampire so that he or she may walk in the sunlight without getting burned
- read the fates of others inside of it’s perfectly cut lines, become a gypsy and join a travelling circus

- sell it and use the money to donate towards… oh… nevermind…

Name: Trey Hanks
Hometown: Oklahoma City, OK

1) Last wedding you went to?
Does Tony N Tina’s Wedding count? (Gets call from humor overlords) Uhhh… No comment.

2) What was the first wedding you were in?  What role did you have?
I have yet to be in a wedding in an official capacity other than guest. And a wedding that I’ve had a “role” in kind of has taken a Voldemort-esque quality around here in that it is not to be named.

3) Chicken, fish, or pasta?
Steak.

4) Chicken Dance or Electric Slide?
Electric Slide.

5) Favorite song to request at the reception?
Forever by The Beach Boys/ Uncle Jesse.

6) Pro or Anti cake smashing in the face?
I vote for an all out cake smashing. Everybody, the guests, wedding party, and priest all line up and repeatedly take turns smashing the bride’s face into what little cake remains from the previous smasher. Eventually the cake is going to be all gone and it’s just going to turn grisly.

7) Have you ever caught the bouquet/garter?
No. I remember when I was around 8 going to a wedding and trying for it. A 40 year old fat bald man knocked me out of the way.

8 ) Which celebrity did you want to marry at 15?  Now?
Bridget Fonda. Peter Fonda.

9) At what age did you start acting and what was your first role?
I think 12. I was Charlie Brown in “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown” the Peanuts based musical. I was the only one in the cast who couldn’t sing. The director told me he chose me because “Charlie Brown probably wouldn’t be able to sing.”

10) What is your dream role?
I want to play The Phantom of The Opera. I can now sing marginally better. Just a little. I’m shooting for the moon. That or any role where I can have Michael Keaton play my Dad. Just because how awesome would it be to meet Michael Keaton and talk Batman and Beetlejuice and the “I’m Michael Keaton and I have cancer and Nicole Kidman’s my wife” movie which I cannot remember’s title.

11) Favorite thing about being in “Better Off Wed.”
The cash prizes. And of course the people in it. But more so the cash prizes. I’m going to Spain!

Name: Cayenne Sullivan
Hometown: San Francisco
Who are you in the show? Writer.

1.) Last wedding you went to? My cats–the state had it annulled.

2.) What was the first wedding you were in? What role did you have? She-Ra and Skeletor. I was She-Ra’s maid of honor. He-Man tried to break it up Benjamin Braddock-style, but Teddy Ruxpin bounced him outta there.

3.) Chicken, fish, or pasta? Chicken-stuffed fish.

4.) Chicken Dance or Electric Slide? Neither–I prefer to flail my arms and toss my hair.

5.) Favorite song to request at the reception? You Shook Me All Night Long

6.) Pro or Anti cake smashing in the face? Just to be contrary, I’ll say pro. But only if the bride promises to lick cake off the groom’s face.

7.) Have you ever caught the bouquet/garter? Nope. And I’m single. Coincidence?

8.) Which celebrity did you want to marry at 15? Now? Johnny Galecki. Johnny Galecki.

Johnny Galecki then...

Johnny Galecki... wow...

9.) When did you first take an interest in writing sketch comedy? Only a few years ago. A friend told me he had taken classes at Second City and I was like, “You can you do that???”

10.) What show would you like to write for? Three’s Company, the Suzanne Sommers years. I have a great idea for an episode that starts with Jack eavesdropping on Janet and Chrissy and ends with Jack covered in spaghetti sauce and humility.

11.) Favorite thing about being in “Better Off Wed.” It never fails to make me laugh.

Our own Cayenne Sullivan has a few humble suggestions for a…

Cheap and (relatively) Local Chicago-based Bachelorette Party

Dive Bar

PROS
- All the PBR you can drink
- Easy to get to and escape from via CTA
- No need to send invites—your friends will already be there!

CON
- No different than any other day of your life

Whole Foods

PROS
- Free apps and drinks if you time it just right
- Loads of cute, tattooed guys to flirt with
- Play everyone’s favorite bachelorette game: Find the gluten-free raisin bread!

CON
- The baby food aisle might scare you back into singlehood

Wisconsin Dells

PROS
- Water Slides
- Water Slides
- Water Slides

CONS
- Post-trip visit to the gyno
- You’ll smell like chlorine for weeks

Your one friend’s house in the burbs

PROS
- Beautiful house
- All you have to do is show up
- Wine in real wine glasses

CON
- Metra

Virtual Party via Skype

PROS
- Yoga pants
- You can catch up on Glee
- When it’s over, your bed is just a short crawl away

CON
- Have to provide your own box of wine

Old Town

PROS
- Tons of great bars and restaurants
- Home of Better Off Wed on Saturday nights at 7:30pm in Donny’s Skybox
- Free candy at every show
- Champagne available for purchase at bar

CON
- N/A

Exciting news, Chicago bachelorettes, patrons of the Chicago comedy sketch scene and people looking for a good time on a Saturday night:

Now when you come see Better Off Wed, you can purchase splits of champagne at the Donny’s Skybox bar!

Sing it, Lynn!

Come pop one open and make a toast to  the golden moon, the silver sea, da Bears, world peace, good friends, Pon LeBoy, dead strippers and Chicago summers! Woo!

clink, clink, clinkies!

With the much anticipated “Bridesmaids” (starring funny ladies Kristin Wiig and Maya Rudolph) hitting theatres this Friday, we thought we’d take a look back at some memorable movies featuring “the big day”. Turns out, there are too many to count, but here we’ve narrowed the list down to a few and ask you…

I was so excited/envious when my friend Eileen’s wedding was featured on one of our favorite wedding blogs, Style Me Pretty.  Check the link out here.

Her wedding to Roland was held at the SmogShoppe, an awesome venue in LA that is not only stylish but sustainable as well.

Thanks for sharing, Eileen & Roland!

Photos Courtesy of Caroline Tran/The happy couple/Style Me Pretty